Determined to “take it with him” when he died, a very rich man prayed until the Lord gave in.
There was one condition: He could bring only one suitcase of his wealth.
The rich man decided to fill the case with gold bullion.
Then one day, he died. St. Peter greeted him at the gate and told him he could come in, but his suitcase would have to be left.
“But I have an agreement with God,” said the man, “to bring one suitcase in heaven.”
“That’s very unusual,” replied St. Peter. “Let me look inside that suitcase.”
The man opened the suitcase to reveal the shining gold bullion. St. Peter was amazed.
He asked, “Why in the world would you bring more pavement to heaven?”
One day while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck driver made her pull over into a parking lot and told her to step out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed the car’s windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all the windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny.
The blonde giggled and replied, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!
A zebra has wondered his whole life whether he was a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes.
When he dies and goes to heaven he asks God the question “Am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?”
God responds, “You are what you are”
The zebra goes to his friends and tells them what God had said and that he still doesn’t know the answer to his question.
One of his friends says, “Well, that means you are a white zebra with black stripes”
The zebra asks him why and the friend says, “Because otherwise God would have said ‘You is what you is'”
