There was an expectant father who had spent quite some time waiting for the offspring to arrive – at his in-laws place.
He was absolutely positive that his wife was going to present him with a boy and wouldn`t hear of anything else.
As his leave balance had gone into the red, he told his father-in-law, “When my son comes, do not call up office and say that I have become a father of a boy. Then I`ll have to shell out a lot for parties, etc. Just tell me that the clock has arrived. This will be our code for the arrival of my son.”
The offspring does arrive one day, but it`s a daughter. The father-in-law now thinks, “If I tell him that the clock has not arrived, he`ll misunderstand that some thing has happened to the baby and come rushing over.”
So he sends the message, “The clock has arrived, ! but the pendulum is missing.”
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.
“May we see the new baby?” one asked.
“Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”
Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, “May we see the new baby now?”
“No, not yet,” said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, “May we see the baby now?”
“No, not yet,” replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, “Well, when can we see the baby?”
“WHEN HE CRIES!” she told them.
“Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?”
“BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM. O.K.?”
Two old guys from a senior center were sipping lemonade on the porch when one asks the other,
“Ralph, I’m 92 years old and even my aches have pains. You must be close to my age. How are you feeling?”
Ralph says, “Like a brand new baby.”
“No kidding! Like a brand new baby?”
“Yep. No teeth, no hair, and wet diapers.”
A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers: “Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?”
The husband laughs and says: “An Italian girl,…!!!”
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: “So, honey, how was the trip?”
“Very good, thank you.”
“And, what happened to my present?”
“Which present?” She asked.
“The one I asked for – an Italian girl,..!!”
“Oh, that” she said,
“Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl,… !!!”
