A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland.
She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: “Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?”
“Of course my child, What can I do for you?”
“Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock?”
“Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I can not lie.”
“You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask you any questions”, and she gave him the ‘hair remover’.
The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented himself to customs he was asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”
“From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son”, he replied.
Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, “And from the sash down, what do you have?”
The priest replied, “I have there a marvelous little instrument designed for use by women, but which has never been used.”
Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, “Go ahead Father. Next!”
Little Johnny was going to his fathers house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon.
He was walking with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill. He started up the hill but was constantly swearing “This damn thing is so heavy.”
A priest heard him and came out. “You shouldn’t be swearing” said the priest. “God hears you…He is everywhere…He’s in the chruch…He’s on the sidewalk…He’s everywhere.”
Then Little Johnny says: “Oh is he in my Wagon?”
The priest replies: “Yes Johnny, God is in your Wagon.”
Little Johnny says: “Well tell him to get the hell out and start pulling.”
A nice respectable lady with a savory smell of perfume got on the bus and sat beside me.
After some moments I dared to ask her: “Excuse me lady do you mind me asking you what is the name of this perfume and where did you buy it from? I want to buy one for my wife.”
The lady responded: “It is Chanel and from Paris.”
About ten minutes later I felt a strong wind in my belly so I slowly blew it out.
Some seconds later she broke and said: “Offf…what is this smell, my God”?
I said: “Garlic and I am from Gilroy, California.”
