The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.
Grandma couldn’t speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.
A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.
A nephew who arrived late came running up to Grandma and said, “Hi Grandma, you’re looking good! How are they treating you?”
Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew, “They won’t let me fart.”
A 5-year-old girl went to visit her grandmother one day.
She played with her dolls as grandma dusted the furniture.
At one point, she looked up and asked, “Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend?”
Grandma replied, “Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. Comedies make me laugh. I’m so happy with my TV as my boyfriend.”
Grandma turned on the TV, and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the back of the TV, hoping to fix the problem.
The little girl heard the doorbell ring, so she hurried to open the front door. When she opened the door, there stood Grandma’s minister.
The minister said, “Hello, young lady. Is your grandma home?”
The little girl replied: “Yeah, she’s in the bedroom b.a.ngin’ her boyfriend.”
The minister fainted….
Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and Grandfathers is?
Well here is the answer:
A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends.
Every Sunday morning he would take his 7—year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time, just him and his granddaughter.
One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn’t feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her Grandfather.
“Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?”
“Oh yes, Papa” the girl replied, “and do you know what? We didn’t see a single a——hole, stupid basta——, or dumb sh—— anywhere we went today!”
