Rita is complaining to her friends about her husband’s extreme dedication to his new job.
You see, Rita’s husband has been jobless for quite a while.
She tells her friends, “I appreciate that at last he’s found a new job, but I don’t like him taking his work home and finishing it in our bedroom.”
“Why, what’s his new job?”
“He’s an embalmer.”
A blonde gets a job painting lines on the highway.
At the end of the first day, her supervisor is impressed. “Wow!” he says. “You did eight miles today! That’s amazing!”
On the second day, the blonde’s production is down to four miles. “Still pretty darn good,” the supervisor says.
On the third day, the blonde only does two miles. The supervisor calls her into the office.
“What’s going on?” he asks. “The first day you did great with eight miles, then yesterday you were down to four, and today you only managed two. What’s the problem?”
The blonde rolls her eyes and says “Duh! The paint bucket keeps getting farther away!”
To pay his medical school tuition,
a student was working two jobs over the summer. One was as a butcher’s assistant and the other as a hospital orderly, both jobs that required the young man to wear a long white coat.
One night he was wheeling a woman into surgery when she sat up suddenly, looked him in the eye, and screamed, “God save me! It’s the butcher!”
A magician had landed a comfortable job on a cruise ship.
His act was rendered hilarious by his parrot who would ridicule the magician after every trick, saying “Big deal, the cards up his sleeve.” or “He put the ball in a hidden floor, the big faker!”
One night the ship began to sink and while confusion reigned, the magician was just barely able to get to a tiny lifeboat with his beloved parrot. For two days the magician and parrot floated on the rough seas. Strangely, the parrot sat on the opposite end of the craft just staring at the magician.
Finally, on the fourth day, the parrot screamed “Okay, I give up… where the hell did you put the god damned boat!”
