Ma was clanging around in the kitchen when she shouted,
“Earl! That outhouse is acting up again! Go fix it!”
Earl, sittin’ in his favorite chair, scratchin’ his belly, hollered back,
“Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that throne of glory, woman!”
Ma snapped, “There’s a weird smell, a funny sound, and somethin’ down there growled at me. Now git!”
So old Earl grabbed his boots (one on the wrong foot), grumbled to the backyard, and stood staring at the outhouse like it had insulted his momma.
“Looks fine to me!” he yelled.
Ma poked her head out the window and yelled, “You gotta stick your head in the hole to really see the problem!”
Earl looked like he just got slapped by a chicken.
“You done lost your mind, woman! I ain’t pokin’ my head in no poop chute!”
Ma shouted, “Do it or sleep with the goats tonight!”
So, with the grace of a confused raccoon, Earl lowered himself and peered into the hole like he was searchin’ for treasure. Suddenly, he screamed,
“MA! MA! I’M STUCK! MY BEARD IS CAUGHT IN THE SEAT!”
Ma, not even flinching, calmly shouted, “Hurts, don’t it?”
Now Earl won’t go near that outhouse without a helmet, a flashlight, and a beard net.
Ma and Pa were two old hillbillies living out on a farm in the hills.
Ma and Pa were two old hillbillies living out on a farm in the hills.
One day, Pa discovered that the hole under the outhouse was full. Not sure what to do, he went inside and told Ma about the problem.
“Well, why don’t you ask the young’un down the road?” Ma suggested. “He’s a college gradjyate, he must know what to do.”
So, Pa drove down to the neighbor’s house and asked, “Mr. College Gradjyate, my outhouse hole’s full, and I don’t know what to do to empty it.”
The young man replied, “Get yourself two sticks of d.y.n.amite—one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Place them under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will s.h.o.ot the outhouse up in the air, and while it’s in the air, the second one will go off, spreading the mess all over your land. The outhouse will then come back down right on top of the empty hole.”
Pa thanked the young man and headed to the hardware store, where he bought two sticks of d.y.n.a.mite—one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. He returned home, placed the d.y.n.a.mite under the outhouse, and lit the fuses. Then, he ran behind a nearby tree to take cover.
Just then, Ma came running out of the house and into the outhouse. The first stick of d.y.n.amite went off, sending the outhouse flying into the air. BOOM! The second stick went off, and poop sprayed across the entire farm.
WHAM! The outhouse came c.r.a.shing back down, landing squarely on the hole.
Pa rushed to the outhouse, threw open the door, and asked, “Ma, are you all right?”
As she pulled up her panties, Ma replied, “Yeah, but I sure am glad I didn’t fart in the kitchen!”
