Kids Say Funny Things
JACK (3 yrs) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: “Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?”
MELANIE (5yrs) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Said Melanie, “If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.”
STEVEN (3yrs) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. “I love you so much, that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.”
BRITTANY (4yrs) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: “How does it know?”
SUSAN (4yrs) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. “Please don’t give me this juice again,” she said, “It makes my teeth cough.”
MARC (4yrs) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: “Why is he whispering in her mouth?”
JAMES (4yrs) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” Concerned, James asked: “What happened to the flea?”
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There was a farmer who grew watermelons.
He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.
He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign, which read: “Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide.”
The kids run off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer’s sign.
When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read: “Now there are two!!!”
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Two little boys stole a bag of mangoes from their neighbor and decided to go to a calm place to share the loot.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping the big gate to enter the cemetery, 2 mangoes fell out of the bag behind the gate but they didn’t bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.
Few minuets latter a drunkard on his way from a local bar passes near the cemetery gate and heard a voice: “One for me, one for you.”One for me, one for you.”
He immediately sobers up and runs as fast as he can to the local priest.
“Father father please come with me, come and witness God & Satan sharing corpse at the cemetery.”
They both ran back to the cemetery gate and the voice continued: “One for me, one for you, one for me, one for you, one for me, one for you…
Suddenly the voice stop counting and says: “Hey, What about the two at the gate?”
The priest and the drunkard took to their heels shouting, “We are not dead yet… we are not dead yet… we are not dead yet…”
