A 5-year old girl went to visit her grandmother one day.
She played with her dolls as grandma dusted the furniture.
At one point, she looked up and asked: “Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend?”
Grandma replied: “Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I’m so happy with my TV as my boyfriend.”
Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the back of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little girl heard the doorbell ring so she hurried to open the front door. When she opened the door, there stood Grandma’s minister.
The minister said: “Hello young lady. Is your grandma home?”
The little girl replied: “Yeah, she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her boyfriend.”
The minister fainted….
Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and Grandfathers is?
Well here is the answer:
A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends.
Every Sunday morning he would take his 7—year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time, just him and his granddaughter.
One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn’t feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her Grandfather.
“Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?”
“Oh yes, Papa” the girl replied, “and do you know what? We didn’t see a single a——hole, stupid basta——, or dumb sh—— anywhere we went today!”
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson.
He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, snacks, all sorts of things.
The grandad is saying in a controlled voice:“Easy, William, we won’t be long… easy boy.”
Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say “It’s okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”
At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the cart. Grandad says again in a controlled voice :“William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes, stay cool William.”
Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.
She says : “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandad.”
“Thanks,” says the grandpa. “But I am William. The little bugger’s name is Kevin!”
