Fellow shows up at the local dry cleaner’s, looking somewhat sheepish.
“I’m really sorry to bother you with this,” he says, “but I was cleaning out my closet and I found this old ticket for a suit I brought in to be cleaned five years ago! It must have fallen out of my pocket and it has been sitting in the back of my closet gathering dust since then! Would you by any chance still have the suit?”
The dry cleaner looks at the ticket and says he will go to the back of the shop to look. Fellow hears the dry cleaner rummaging around in the back for about twenty minutes.
Finally, the dry cleaner emerges, covered in dust, but with a triumphant smile on his face. “You won’t believe it,” says the dry cleaner, “but I have good news for you!”
“Oh my goodness!” says the fellow. “You mean you actually found it?”
“Yep!” Said the dry cleaner proudly: “It’ll be ready next Tuesday!”
Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town.
After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel.
The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, “go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, i’m not wasting two of my girls on them. They won’t know the difference.”
The manager does as she is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.
As they are walking home the first man says, “you know, i think my girl was dead!”
“Dead?” says his friend, “why would you say that?”
“Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her.”
His friend says, “I think mine was a witch.”
“A witch, why would you say that?”
“Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck and I gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window!”
A southern farmer got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farm and knocked on the farmhouse door.
A young boy, about 12, opened the door. “Is yer pa home?” he asked.
“No sir, he sure ain’t,” the boy replied. “He went to town.”
“Well,” said the farmer. “Is yer ma home?”
“No, she ain’t here either. She went to town with pa.” “Well, then, how about yer brother, Joe, is he here?” “No sir, he went with pa and ma.”
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
“Is there anything I kin do fer ya’?” inquired the young boy politely. “I know where all the tools are, if you want to borry one; Or maybe I could take a message fer pa.”
“Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to yer pa. It’s about your brother Joe getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant.”
The boy considered for a moment. “You would have to talk to pa about that,” he finally conceded. “I know that pa charges $500 for the bull and $250 for the boar hog, but I really don’t know how much he gets for Joe.”
