Darryl and Harold were the best patients in a mental institution.
The place had an unusual annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions. If they got them correct, they were deemed cured and free to go.
Darryl was called into the doctor’s office first and asked if he understood that he’d be free if he answered the questions correctly. Darryl said “yes” and the doctor proceeded.
“Darryl, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?”
Darryl said, “I’d be half blind.”
“That’s correct. What if I poked out both eyes?”
“I’d be completely blind.”
The doctor stood up, shook Darryl’s hand, and told him he was free to go. On Darryl’s way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Darryl mentioned the exam to Harold, who was seated in the waiting room. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers.
So Harold went into the doctor’s office when he was called. The doctor went through the formalities and then asked, “What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?”
Remembering what Darryl had told him, he answered, “I’d be half blind.” The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. “What if I cut off the other ear?”
“I’d be completely blind,” Harold answered.
“Harold, can you explain how you’d be blind?”
“My hat would fall down over my eyes.”
Two men are in a lunatic asylum and one night, they decide they don’t like living in an asylum any more.
They decide they’re going to escape! They get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight to freedom.
The first man jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn’t dare make the leap, afraid of falling. So then, the first man has an idea…
He says, ‘Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I’ll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!’
The second man immediately spots the problem with this and shakes his head.
“What do you think I am? Crazy? You’d turn it off when I was half way across!”
Hell in a cell
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
“Well!” said the Director. “We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, I understand!” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”
“No.” said the Director. “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a room with or without a view?”
