A woman is being hounded by her family to put up Christmas decorations, so she heads to the local store in search of Christmas lights.
Upon arrival, the store assistant shows the woman the top brand of Christmas lights.
“These are our top selling Christmas lights this year,” he tells her.
“That’s great, but I need to make sure every light bulb works before I make a purchase,” she demands. “Please plug them in so I can see.”
The store assistant opens the box, untangles the lights and plugs them in. To the customer’s delight, every colourful bulb lights up.
The man behind the counter unplugs the lights and carefully places them back in the box. He then goes to scan the item before the lady starts kicking off.
“And what do you think you’re doing?” she says. “I don’t want this box. I want one that hasn’t been opened.”
One day Dan asks Bob, “So Bob what did you get for Christmas?”
Then Bob says to Dan, “Oh see that brand new red Ferrari outside?”
Dan says, “OOOOH WOW!
Bob says, “Ya, I got the same exact color tie!”
Nothing would please me more!
Husband: “Soon we will be married for 10 years. I will get you a nice new car for our anniversary.”
Wife: “Oh darling. Nothing would please me more!”
And so the husband got her nothing for the anniversary.
Shortly before our 25th wedding anniversary, my husband sent 25 long-stemmed yellow roses to me at my office.
A few days later, I plucked all the petals and dried them.
On the night of our anniversary, I spread the petals over the bed and lay on top of them, wearing only a negligee.
As I’d hoped, I got a reaction from my husband.
When he saw me, he shouted: “Are those potato chips?”
A tightwad was looking for a gift to give a friend.
Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken and he could purchase it for almost nothing.
He asked the store to send it hoping his friend would think it had been broken in transit.
In due time he received a note: “Thanks for the vase,” it read. “It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately.”
