Billy Brown decided it was time to buy a new house, so he decided to sell his old house and put the matter in a real estate agent’s hands.
A week later, the agent dropped by with the final draft of the sales blurb. “Take a look at this,” he said, sliding the paper across Billy’s old kitchen table. “Tell me what you think.”
Billy adjusted his glasses and read:
“Charming, sun-drenched cottage nestled in a peaceful neighborhood. Three cozy bedrooms, a welcoming kitchen with vintage charm, and a spacious backyard perfect for family gatherings or quiet reflection. Lovingly maintained and full of character, this home offers warmth, comfort, and timeless appeal. Ideal for those seeking not just a house, but a haven.”
Billy blinked. He read it again, slower this time. He looked up at the agent. “Does my house really have everything your ad says it does?”
The agent grinned, proud of his handiwork. “It certainly does. Why? Did I oversell it?”
Billy set the paper down gently, smiling to himself. “Cancel the sale,” he said, voice warm with finality. “It’s exactly what I’ve been looking for.”
A guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room.
She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to get them some snacks and drinks.
As he’s standing there alone, he lights a cigarette. After a while he notices a cute little vase on the mantle. He picks it up, and as he’s looking at it, she walks back in.
He says, “What’s this?”
She says, “Oh, my father’s ashes are in there.”
He turns beet red in horror and goes, “Oh God no…. Oh!!! I just…..”
She says, “Yeah, he’s too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray.”
A friend asked a gentleman why he never married?
Replied the gentleman, “Well, I guess I just never met the right woman… I guess I’ve been looking for the perfect girl.”
“Oh, come on now,” said the friend, “Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry.”
“Yes, there was a girl… once. I guess she was the one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything… I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me.”
“Well, why didn’t you marry her,” asked the friend.
“Unfortunately, she was looking for the perfect man.”
An aspiring young actor
asked a young lady’s father if he could have his daughter’s hand in marriage. The father said, “I would never let my daughter marry an actor.”
The actor said, “Sir, I think you may change your mind if you see me perform. Won’t you at least come and see the play?”
So the father went to see the play, and the next day he called the actor, “You were right. I did change my mind. Go ahead and marry my daughter. You’re no actor.”
