An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman arrive at the Pearly Gates…
St. Peter greets them with a smile and says, “Welcome to Heaven! For your first 100 years, you can have one thing—anything you like—unlimited, with no consequences. Just tell me what makes you happiest!”
The Englishman says, “I’ve always loved romance. Could I have endless beautiful company?”
“Of course!” says St. Peter, pointing him to a grand room.
“Enjoy!”
The Scotsman thinks for a second and says, “I’d like an endless supply of the finest Scotch… and never a hangover.”
“No problem at all,” says St. Peter. “Enjoy, I’ll check on you in 100 years.”
The Irishman grins and says, “Give me an unlimited supply of cigarettes, please!”
“Coming right up!” says St. Peter. “Smoke away, without a single cough!”
A century passes…
St. Peter checks on the Englishman: “How was it?”
“Absolutely heavenly,” he says with a huge grin.
Then he checks on the Scotsman: “Still enjoying it?”
“Aye, this is paradise,” the Scot replies, raising a glass.
Finally, he opens the door to the Irishman…
The man leaps out, wild-eyed, grabs St. Peter and shouts: “For the love of Heaven—DO YOU HAVE A LIGHT?!”
An Irishman and an Englishman go to a bakery.
An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery.
The Englishman steals three buns, puts them into his pockets, and leaves.
He tells the Irishman, “That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn’t even see me.”
“That’s just simple thievery,” the Irishman replied.
“I’ll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results.”
The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and said, “Sir, I want to show you a magic trick.”
The owner was intrigued, so he came over to see the magic trick.
The Irishman asked him for a bun, and then he proceeded to eat it.
He asked two more times, and after eating them again, the owner said, “Okay, my friend, where’s the magic trick?”
The Irishman then said, “Look in the Englishman’s pockets.”
