A young woman walks into a prestige car sales room.

Looks around at all the Porsches, Lamborghini’s, Jags etc., and says to the salesman.

“Can I have the red one?” – a top of the range Porsche.

“I’ll pay cash!” and starts taking handfuls of cash out of a carrier bag until she gets to the right price.

The deal is finalised very quickly and the girl drives it away.

She is back 2 days later, “I want my money back… it smell awfully bad when I use the brakes,” she states emphatically.

Not wanting to lose the sale (having taken cash and fiddled the books) the manager decides to ride in the car with her… in case she is not driving it properly.

He gets in and she roars out of the dealership, drops it into second gear at 55 mph, floors the pedal again and slips into 3rd at 80mph does a handbrake turn into a country lane and then really starts to accelerate.

120mph into 4th gear; 5th at 145mph. The engine is screaming, trying to leap out of the bonnet when it reaches 170mph. The scenery is a green blur the G-force has him pinned in the seat. In the distance, to his relief, the barriers of a level crossing are beginning to come down and she will have to slow down (he thinks!) instead the pitch of the engine increases.

100 yards from the crossing she slams on the brakes and the car stops inches from the barrier.

“Can you smell it?” she says.

“SMELL IT? I’M SITTING IN IT!”

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I’m sure you’ve all heard about the traveling salesman whose car became disabled in the middle of nowhere.

It took him several hours to make it to the nearest farm house, he finally reached their front door and knocked on it.

A grizzled old farmer answered, and the salesman pleaded for a place to spend the night.

“Why sure young fella, I can give you a place to bunk.” said the hospitable old man. “But I ain’t got no daughter for you to sleep with, like you always hear about them in jokes.”

“Oh !” said the salesman. Then thinking a moment or two he asked, “How far is it to the next farmhouse?”

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A young man from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.

The manager asks, “Do you have any sales experience?”

The man replies, “Yeah, I was one of the best footwear salesmen back in Omaha.”

The boss likes the guy and gives him the job. “You can start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job is rough, but he gets through it. After the store is locked up, the boss comes down. “How many customers bought something from you today?” The man responds, “One.”

The boss says, “Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?”

“$101,237.65.”

“How is it possible? What did you sell?”

“First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a large fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then he said he didn’t think his car would pull it, so I took him down to the automobile department and sold him a 4×4 truck with all the bells and whistles.”

“A guy came in here to buy a fish hook, and you sold him a boat and a truck?”

“No, the guy came in here to buy diapers for his kid, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot. You should go fishing.’”