A heavily bandaged man was sitting up in bed at the hospital when his friend came to visit.
“What happened to you?” the friend asked.
“Well, we went to the amusement park and decided to ride the roller coaster. As we came to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it, but it was very small and I couldn’t make it out. I was so curious that I went around again, but we went by so quickly that I still couldn’t see what the sign said. By now I was determined, so I went around a third time. As we reached the top I stood up in the car to get a better view.”
“And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?” asked his friend.
“Yeah… The sign said ‘Remain seated at all times!'”
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A general visits an army hospital to check on the conditions and inspire the troops.
Its WWIII, trench warfare is living hell, and the men could really use some inspiration. The general starts talking to the wounded soldiers.
He goes up to the first man and says: “What brings you in here son?”
The soldier replies: “sir, I got dysentery in the trenches, something awful.”
The general asks him: “How are they caring for you in here?” and the soldier replies: “Well sir, every day the nurses put a cool cloth on my head and they clean my behind with a soft brush.”
The general asks: “Is there anything else we can do for you?” and the soldier says: “No sir, the nurses are doing the best they can.” The general seems satisfied, thanks him for his service and moves on to the next man.
The general approaches the second man’s bed and asks: “What brings you in here son?”
The soldier replies somewhat embarrassed: “Sir, I got gonorrhoea from a woman while I was on leave.”
The general laughs and says: “It happens to the best of us son, how are they caring for you in here?” and the soldier replies: “Well sir, every day the nurses put a cool cloth on my head and they clean my privates with a soft brush.”
The general asks: “Is there anything else we can do for you?” and the soldier says: “No sir, the nurses are doing the best they can.” The general once again seems satisfied, thanks him for his service and moves on to the next man.
The general approaches the third man’s bed and asks: “What brings you in here son?”
The soldier tells him: “sir, I got strep throat in the trenches.”
The general asks: “How are they caring for you in here?” and the soldier replies: “Well sir, every day the nurses put a cool cloth on my head and they clean my throat with a soft brush.”
The general asks: “Is there anything else we can do for you?” and the soldier says: “Actually sir, there is one thing… I’d like to be the first one to use the brush.”
