Three men meet at the gate of heaven at the same time.
St. Peter comes out and asks them one by one how they lost their lives.
The first man says: “I thought I had a wonderful life. I had a beautiful wife and we had a lovely place on the 22th floor of an apartment building. I came home from work early today, and I found my wife on the bed and another man’s clothes on the floor. So of course I started looking for the bastard who slept with my wife.
She insisted that there was nobody else in the apartment. I searched everywhere, looked into every wardrobe, checked under every table but did not find anybody. Then I went to the balcony to have a smoke and cool down. When I got out I saw the man outside the balcony, clinging to the railing. I took off my shoe and hit him on his hands till he fell down. When I looked down to see if he was dead I saw that he had managed to grab a balcony railing of an apartment on the 18th floor. I got so mad, I went and grapped our fridge to throw it down on him to finish it up. But then my leg got entangled with the cable of the fridge and as the fridge was falling it dragged me down with it – that´s how I died.”
The second man says: “I was a window cleaner. Today I had a job at a highrise. When I was cleaning a window on the 25th floor I lost my balance and fell down. As I was falling, I was able to grab a balcony railing but the next moment a man appeared and hit me on my hands with his shoe. I lost my grip and fell again but was again able to hold on to a balcony railing. The last things I saw in my life were a fridge and the man flying toward me.
The third man says: “Alright, picture this. You just got finished banging some dude’s wife. He comes home. You hide in the refrigerator.”
A woman came home early from work one day and found her husband with a young and attractive woman.
The woman yelled at her husband in anger: “You slimy disrespectful pig! How dare you do this to me!? I’m the mother of your children, and I’ve been faithful to you all these years! I want a divorce now!”
The husband answered: “Wait a second my love, let me at least explain what happened.”
“All right, let’s hear what you have to say for yourself,” answered the wife waiting to see just how her husband would try to talk his way out of this one, “but these are your last words.”
Her husband started recalling: “today when I left work and got in my car to head home and this woman asked me for a ride.”
“I noticed that she was very skinny and wearing worn out clothes covered in muck and mud. She told me she hadn’t eaten in three days.”
“She looked worse for wear so I took pity on her and let her into the car.”
“In my mercy for her, instead of taking her straight to where she needed to go, I brought her home first and warmed her up a plate of goulash, the same plate I made for you last night which you didn’t eat claiming you’d ‘get fat’.”
“She devoured it in seconds.”
“Since she needed to get clean, I offered to let her use our shower.”
“While she showered, I noticed that her clothes were very dirty and worn, so I threw them out. She needed new clothes so I brought her the old jeans you no longer wear because they’re ‘too tight’.”
“I also gave her some und*rwear I bought you that you didn’t wear because ‘I don’t have good taste in clothes’.”
“I found the shirt my mom bought you for Christmas that you didn’t wear to ‘piss her off’. And I gave her the high heels you only wore once because ‘someone at work had the same pair’.”
The husband took a deep breath and continued…
“She was so grateful for my understanding and help. When I walked her to the door she turned around with tears in her eyes and asked…”
“You’re such a great person! Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?”
